I’ve had several requests from people to share with them anything I know about sexual harassment in the work place. You’d think with my incest issue and three domestic violence marriages I wouldn’t have added this to my plate. But, someone who has this kind of history is the perfect candidate for sexual harassment. One of the primary problems with people who have been sexually abused as children is they don’t know how to set boundaries. When you add their low self-esteem and their feeling that the only worth they have is their sexuality you see a sitting duck. I was no exception.
A few years ago I went to work on a temporary basis as an Administrative Assistant for one of the major HMOs in Southern California in their Plant Services Department. I did such a good job that my boss decided he wanted to hire me on a permanent basis. I was incredibly grateful and wrote him an effusively worded card of thanks. I had been out of work for three years and things were getting tough. In addition I was currently married to a man who was so abusive that the counselor I was seeing at the time said I would never survive. Not yet a candidate for recovery I stayed with him.
I was the kind of assistant who met my boss in the morning with a cup of coffee and a list of his daily responsibilities. If he had an important meeting to go to I had outlined the pros and cons of his proposals. This had been done between the two of us the day before as he bounced ideas off me, all intending to help him to climb up the corporate ladder. I also reminded him when it was his mother’s birthday, his wife’s birthday, their anniversary etc. and always ordered the right flowers. I reorganized the office, setting in place new and time saving procedures and always was available as a sounding board. I had owned my own company years ago and had a lot of valuable input. In short, by his own admission, he couldn’t get along without me.
It was a dream job for me as I liked my boss enormously as well as the rest of the all male crew. My husband and I had a particularly acrimonious and on his part severely abusive few days that ended with him moving out. I was having a tough time and since my boss and I were given to discussing each other’s personal problems (in addition to being married he was having an affair with the Hospital Administrator’s secretary) I told him what was going on and that I’d do my best to keep up the good work I was doing but that if I was down on certain days that was the reason. He was very supportive and I was grateful. A few days later he asked me to dinner. I told him no thank you. He then told me that he and his wife had separated and that he had moved into an apartment. I commiserated but assumed that meant he was serious about the woman he was having an affair with. The following day he invited me to have dinner with him at his apartment. Slightly alarmed, I told him no thank you once again. The following day he told me he was greatly attracted to me sexually and wanted to have an affair. My first comment was something to the effect that didn’t he realize that having an affair with your secretary could be very harmful for him regarding his career. I remembered that he had told me that his father’s one piece of advice was that when he had an affair he should leave his conscience at the door. I told him no.
After that I no longer shared any of my problems and if he wanted to talk to me about something personal I told him I was busy. He kept after me finally saying that he was going to give me a bad evaluation if I didn’t agree to have an affair. I was appalled but didn’t believe he would go through with it. But he did. His evaluation of me downgraded me severely in all areas. I was devastated. I had been considering transferring to another department but with this new evaluation I knew no one would take me. When this tactic of his didn’t bring out the desired result he began berating me in loud and cursing language, for anything he could think of. I was badly shaken. My husband and I had reconciled but my home life continued with abuse and now I was faced with daily verbal abuse at work. One time my boss was in his office cursing me out for being incompetent, and then raising his arm came toward me in an attempt to hit me. His second in command, a man of high integrity and great kindness, had heard the noise and thankfully hurried into the boss’s office in time to grab his arm and say, “What are you doing?” Another time he had barked at me that he wanted something done now. I needed to go into the Bio-Engineering Department to get it done and while I was in there using their computer my boss came in screaming at me that I was taking too long. Again he raised his arm and came at me as if to strike me. He didn’t realize that there were three techs in the room and one of them hollered. “Stop it, you can’t hit her.” My boss, highly embarrassed, hurried out of the room.
That was the turning point for me. I went to Human Resources, complained to the head of the department (a close friend of my boss) what was going on and said I wanted to file a sexual harassment complaint. She gave me the paperwork to fill out. I did so, returned it and when two weeks later I’d heard nothing back I returned to Human Resources. This time I spoke with a different employee, the next in command. She was shocked, took me into see the head of the department and asked her why she hadn’t done anything about the complaint. Needless to say it was started on its journey that day. All I had asked for was that he stop his abuse and that I be given another evaluation by an impartial party such as the second in command. He had stopped his abuse as soon as I had filed the suit and was begging me to drop the suit.
There were three stages in sexual harassment charges in this HMO. The first one was an interview with the Head of Human Resources. I knew there was no hope for that one but went through it. When I was finished she pulled a card out of a file on me and handed it to me asking if I had given the card to my boss. I recognized it as the thank you card I’d given him when he’d made my job permanent. I told her yes. She said it was obvious from the card, that what my boss had told her, that I was trying to entice him into bed, was the real truth and she was turning down the sexual harassment suit. I was devastated, not the least because of the innocence and gratitude I had shown to my boss in the card being twisted around to make me look the bad guy. I was told to drop all charges. I knew I would get no help from the bio techs as they told me they were very sorry but that my boss had said he was going to be laying people off depending on what they said to the one who was investigating my complaint. They couldn’t take a chance on losing their jobs and I didn’t blame them.
Instead I filed for the second stage which was that the Hospital Administrator do an investigation. She did, called me into her office and recommended I dropped the charges. When I told her there were interviews she’d done with an office clerk we had hired from a temp agency that backed up my complaints, she put her glasses on, took a second look and admitted that yes the temp had verified everything I said. “But Margie,” she said, “You don’t understand. If I have to discipline your boss I’d have to discipline a lot of other Department Heads as well.” She recommended I drop the suit.
I took my suit to the third and last stage. I was to be interviewed by a Board at the Southern California Headquarters. That morning was particularly painful for me as my husband chose it to be his most abusive. Upon arriving at the Headquarters I was shaky but determined. I stated my case, presented my evidence and was told I’d be notified of their decision.
The next day the gentleman who had headed up the Board told me that it was too bad I hadn’t shared what was happening with my boss with a therapist. He said if I’d done that I’d win the case hands down. I told him I had. He asked for a statement regarding all she knew to be faxed to him as soon as possible. I had been with a temporary therapist who shared her notes, all of which showed that my boss was definitely angry at me for not going to bed with him and was threatening and abusing me.
A few days later I received a letter telling me that the Board had voted against me. But…….they said, they were doing an investigation of our department. They timed the final decision to just one day after one year had passed since I filed the original suit. At that time the law stated that if you had a sexual harassment suit that you wanted an outside attorney to handle it had to be done within one year. I had no recourse left. The Department Head of Preventive Medicine hired me after looking at samples of my work and my previous evaluations. She said there was no way that the latest evaluation could have been about me. My boss was put on unpaid leave for six months while the investigation was held. He was then transferred to Hawaii.
Tough duty for someone who had put me through hell.
