At birth, we were given a promise. That promise contained joy, serenity, optimism, the achieving of all our goals and dreams and many other blessings. No one was born bad. No one was born neurotic, fearful, suicidal, depressed or addicted to anything. We were born pure and whole; we were good with no scars, no pains, and no fears inside of us. The only exception to this would be fetus’ who were harmed while in the womb.
For those who were sexually abused, no matter what age, life changed dramatically and not in a good way. For the next several years, for some of us decades, life became a torment. We continued to be haunted long after the abuse ceased. For some of us the original sexual abuse was just the beginning in a long line of other sexual abuses. No way to put up boundaries, no ability to choose healthy mates, no solace for the nightmares, the neuroses, no help for our addictions, no way to even understand why we had addictions and no courage to enter a program of recovery, we floundered through life, miserable, suicidal. People who were free to become all they wanted to be cannot know what it is like to live in a prison. We lived in a three-sided prison, not able to contemplate that we had the ability to recover from our abuse.
Then came the program REPAIR. We grabbed it like a drowning man would grab a life raft. Gradually we worked our way through it, one stage at a time. By the time we arrived at the final stage, Rhythm, we were ready to receive that original promise. We had released ourselves from that prison. We were ready to return to who we were at the moment of birth. We now find our own natural rhythm.
If you go back far enough you can remember waking at the same time every morning and getting tired at the same time every night. You had a time for hunger, a time for energy and a time for languor. Being a part of that natural rhythm brings joy as well as serenity. Life, predictable and comfortable, contains meaning and purpose. It is like a dance, one where we move freely though our own universe, bending and swaying our bodies in time to our inner voices. As a child of trauma, our own natural rhythm was interrupted. Sexual violence shattered it along with the serenity and peace it brought. Those intense emotions we hid out of fear of punishment and a parent’s rage return, only now we are in charge of them. The creativity we stifled out of fear of mom, returns. Natural rhythm is just that, natural. It is the essence of who and what we are. Being able to return to it is freeing and joyful as well as strengthening.
Exercises in this part of the REPAIR program will help you return to your true self. Now, the world opens for you. You see possibilities you never thought of. Unencumbered with the pain of your childhood trauma, moving ahead will be your primary goal. Only a faint scar remains. REPAIR has placed objectivity between you and your abuse.
