Tony Pitman, CEO of OzChild and a champion of children’s rights said, in an explosive and insightful article on July 19th in the Brizbane Times, an Australian newspaper:
“The effects of child abuse are so devastating, says children’s champion, Tony Pitman, that early education and prevention programs must take their place alongside mandatory reporting.”
He is so right. If we could get the children trained to protect themselves and use their heads with potential abuse we will start cutting those numbers down. Children need to learn:
1) How to set boundaries and why they have the right to set them.
2) Children need to learn the names to all their body parts. Without names it is impossible to talk about sexual assault in the specific terms necessary to provide useful information.
3) Explain what sexual assault is.
4) Explain that the “someone” may be known, liked and trusted.
5) Repeat over and over to them, “Your body belongs to you; you can decide who touches it.”
6) Let them know: If someone acts inappropriately with you it is a good idea to tell someone (relatives, teachers, friends)
7) Back up your child’s right to say “no” to a request for a touch that is not wanted.
Play the “what if” game. Give them possible scenarios, then train them in what they are to do.
9) Teach them to say ‘NO”. If someone is trying to get them to interact in an inappropriate way, teach them to say, “Thank you for asking me, but the answer is no.” or “No, I don’t feel like it.”
10) Story telling. Provide a positive example of a situation a child could be in and how he can thwart it.
These suggestions came from a marvelous booklet called, “He told me not to tell.” It was published by the King County Sexual Resouce Cener in Renton, WA. Their phone # is 425.226.5062. They will be happy to mail you a copy.
There is no reason why parents cannot begin teaching these suggestions as soon as their children are old enough to talk. If you are uncomfortable with some(like calling their body parts by their correct name) practice in front of a mirror. When I was in recovery in my mid-forties one of the hardest things I had to learn was saying NO. I practiced in front of a mirror, I wore a shirt that said, “What part of no don’t you understand.” At the time I was married to my third abuser and definitely needed it. When he first saw me wearing it he looked threatened and asked, “Why are you wearing that?” My response, “Because I can,” caused even me to be startled. Even at that it took me many months before I could actually put it in practice.Help your child to be in good physical shape so that if he has to fight back against an attacker he can. Children are taught not to argue or fight so it will be difficult for them to learn these new rules. Let them know that these rules are different; they are to protect them from people who want to do bad things to them. Children are taught either by words or example that they must obey adults so you must make them understand the difference.
Don’t wait to teach your child these rules until it is too late.
