Entry

Those of us who have been through recovery from child sexual abuse can all relate to that first heart thumping moment when, despite having acknowledged to ourselves that we were indeed victims of this horrendous childhood trauma, we had no idea where to go next. It was like standing on the edge of a cliff. You know you need to get to the free flowing river at the bottom, but are terrified at the thought of taking the first step. Or perhaps your scenario is a bridge. You want to take that first step; you know that good things lie on the other side. But the bridge is swaying; it is so high over the waters below. Surely you will fall. Maybe you want to turn back.

But what lies behind you? All of those individual behavior patterns we discussed in our previous blog on Recognition wait with snarling teeth for you to admit it’s too scary to go forward. You weigh your choices, which seems similar to a childhood game we used to play called “Would you rather be a live coward or a dead hero?” Of course, at that young age, we were not even sure what that meant. We all said we’d rather be a dead hero. You know one thing. You’re getting sick and tired of being sick and tired. Surely, what lies ahead can’t be as bad as what you’ve already gone through. You take a tentative first step.

In the book REPAIR Your Life, choices are presented: Individual Therapy, Group Therapy and Programs such as REPAIR Your Life or A Combination of both. Then there’s those hundreds of self-help books on how to go through recovery and emerge as rehabilitated as the author. You can’t really afford any more individual therapy. Besides, you’ve been through four therapists already and none of them even want to discuss your childhood; it’s not pertinent, they say. You want and need to tell your story so you order a copy of REPAIR Your Life and you begin looking for groups. Some states have Lamplighter Movement chapters. You look at the web page and don’t see yours listed. Once you receive the book, you see that it recommends Twelve Step programs as well. You start with Codependents Anonymous. You locate the one nearest you and begin going. Along the way you pick up John Bradshaw’s book/CD Healing The Shame That Binds You. You will be listening to it dozens if not hundreds of times as each time you bond more and more with John Bradshaw’s brilliant words.

After leaving the first meeting, you’re confused. Codependents sound noble. Your second thought is; how did they find you? Maybe you should go to the first six sessions as the book recommends. By the sixth session, you feel a measure of peace, as if you have come home. You keep going and work an honest and rigorous Twelve Step program. There are many different Twelve Step programs available, hundreds actually. There may be one tailored for you, Al-Anon, Over Eaters Anonymous, Alcoholics Anonymous, Sex Addicts Anonymous or any one of many. Codependents Anonymous appears to be the core group. Your phone directory should list all of them.

Now that you are safely rooted in both the REPAIR program and a 12 Step program, you can make decisions on other parts of the Entry stage. One of the most important needs you will have is the circle of friends and family who make up your support group. Eliminate those who might hinder your progress. Emphasize that you are on a journey and that arriving at the end is the only thing that matters. Keep only supportive people in your life. Some of you may try groups other than Lamplighter or 12 Step programs, perhaps one at a local church. Be wary. There again, if you are uncomfortable, give it six meetings. If you’re still not comfortable walk away. Trust your own intuition. It will not lie to you. Develop a spiritual path of your own with which you are comfortable. Bringing God into the equation is a wise idea, as you will need him.

It is important that you make a commitment to yourself. Only one person can turn your life around – you. You may have family members and friends that try to sabotage your journey. Ignore them and keep going across that bridge. On the other side lie all the things you have always wanted: stability, serenity, joy, healthy choices, stable emotions, the ability to set boundaries for yourself and many other qualities that should be a part of the life of all humans but not one sexually abused as a child.

One last word. Prepare for your journey. The REPAIR Manual lists many rules for getting healthy sleep along with other suggestions including a healthy diet, exercise, plenty of water, and quiet time alone for daily meditations. You are in a healing mode, not only emotionally, mentally and spiritually but also physically. Take care of yourself! You too, as I did, will one day say, “If I’d have known life was going to turn out this good, I would have started it sooner.”

Good luck and contact me at Margie@the lamplighters, if you need help.

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