Comments on: Abuse Victim Profile http://www.thelamplighters.org/llblog01 An International Movement for Incest and Child Sexual Abuse Recovery Wed, 01 Sep 2010 22:45:47 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Marindy Walker http://www.thelamplighters.org/llblog01/abuse-victim-profile-2/comment-page-1/#comment-933 Marindy Walker Mon, 09 Aug 2010 22:00:53 +0000 http://www.thelamplighters.org/llblog01/?page_id=1728#comment-933 <blockquote cite="#commentbody-330"> <strong><a href="#comment-330" rel="nofollow">karen</a> :</strong>Please help me find help in New Jersey.I’m retired, 60 and really need to heal from incest, rapes,body issues .Thank you and God bless you.</blockquote> Karen: if you need to talk online, my name is mindy and i too am an incest survivor. the book does help. I am trying to start a program in my area, but have had no success, yet. it helps to hear from other people. I am 46 and thought my abuser had changed, but now I just detach from that cituation. it is hard, because he is my father and I love him. bmarindy@yahoo.com

karen :Please help me find help in New Jersey.I’m retired, 60 and really need to heal from incest, rapes,body issues .Thank you and God bless you.

Karen: if you need to talk online, my name is mindy and i too am an incest survivor. the book does help. I am trying to start a program in my area, but have had no success, yet. it helps to hear from other people. I am 46 and thought my abuser had changed, but now I just detach from that cituation. it is hard, because he is my father and I love him.
bmarindy@yahoo.com

]]> By: Marjorie McKinnon http://www.thelamplighters.org/llblog01/abuse-victim-profile-2/comment-page-1/#comment-520 Marjorie McKinnon Mon, 14 Jun 2010 21:55:03 +0000 http://www.thelamplighters.org/llblog01/?page_id=1728#comment-520 Hi Leitha, First of all, anyone abused NEVER did anything to make it happen. What happened between your sister and your father is something she will have to figure out and decide what to do about. Yes, it usually is the oldest daughter but in your case it might not have followed that pattern. Your sister may or may not have also been sexually abused. My guess is she probably was. You might look at some of the other characteristics of a sexually abused child (they are listed on the website) and see if any of them pertain to her. But again, taking care of yourself is your first priority. If she comes to you and asks what happened to you then you might want to share it but until then I would just be there if she needs you. I'm not sure if I answered your question or not. If I didn't, then rephrase it and we'll give it another try. If you feel you need help I would get ahold of REPAIR Your Life: A Program for Recovery from Incest & Childhood Sexual Abuse. Amazon.com has them pretty cheap and also has several 5 star reviews that may encourage you to begin working the program. That program took me from being married to my 3rd abuser, suicidal, filled with despair and living part time in a women's shelter to being the happiest person I know. Also, I would see if there's a Lamplighter chapters in your area. If not, you might want to start one. I can email you the Lamplighter Facilitator Guide that shows how easy it is. Have you tried CoDependents Anonymous. I went through their 12 step program while in recovery and it was a great help. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do or if you need something else answered. Take care of yourself! Margie Hi Leitha,
First of all, anyone abused NEVER did anything to make it happen. What happened between your sister and your father is something she will have to figure out and decide what to do about. Yes, it usually is the oldest daughter but in your case it might not have followed that pattern. Your sister may or may not have also been sexually abused. My guess is she probably was. You might look at some of the other characteristics of a sexually abused child (they are listed on the website) and see if any of them pertain to her. But again, taking care of yourself is your first priority. If she comes to you and asks what happened to you then you might want to share it but until then I would just be there if she needs you. I’m not sure if I answered your question or not. If I didn’t, then rephrase it and we’ll give it another try. If you feel you need help I would get ahold of REPAIR Your Life: A Program for Recovery from Incest & Childhood Sexual Abuse. Amazon.com has them pretty cheap and also has several 5 star reviews that may encourage you to begin working the program. That program took me from being married to my 3rd abuser, suicidal, filled with despair and living part time in a women’s shelter to being the happiest person I know. Also, I would see if there’s a Lamplighter chapters in your area. If not, you might want to start one. I can email you the Lamplighter Facilitator Guide that shows how easy it is. Have you tried CoDependents Anonymous. I went through their 12 step program while in recovery and it was a great help. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do or if you need something else answered. Take care of yourself! Margie

]]> By: Leitha http://www.thelamplighters.org/llblog01/abuse-victim-profile-2/comment-page-1/#comment-509 Leitha Fri, 11 Jun 2010 09:48:27 +0000 http://www.thelamplighters.org/llblog01/?page_id=1728#comment-509 I am 52 years old and have only shared my history with my therapist. My older sister has asked a question that, I fear, my reaction to surely indicated the truth. But, I have not spoken the words to her. I know she was physically abused, and emotionally abused, but I, the youngest child, was the one sexually abused. I do not want to share it with her, because, after many years of struggle, she has found forgiveness for him. I have not gotten there, and do not want to open new wounds or cause her to find new hatred for him. I do not want to lose control of my truth. Does that make sense to anyone but me? If I tell, outside of the therapist/client confidence - there is no guarantee my truth will not be shared outside of the realm of people I would choose to tell. I lose control -- again. I have no local chapter of support, but do belong to an on-line support group and have therapy once a week. I constantly see where it is the "eldest daughter"...and that is not true in my situation. Did I do something to make it happen when it hadn't happened before? I am 52 years old and have only shared my history with my therapist. My older sister has asked a question that, I fear, my reaction to surely indicated the truth. But, I have not spoken the words to her. I know she was physically abused, and emotionally abused, but I, the youngest child, was the one sexually abused. I do not want to share it with her, because, after many years of struggle, she has found forgiveness for him. I have not gotten there, and do not want to open new wounds or cause her to find new hatred for him. I do not want to lose control of my truth. Does that make sense to anyone but me? If I tell, outside of the therapist/client confidence – there is no guarantee my truth will not be shared outside of the realm of people I would choose to tell. I lose control — again. I have no local chapter of support, but do belong to an on-line support group and have therapy once a week. I constantly see where it is the “eldest daughter”…and that is not true in my situation. Did I do something to make it happen when it hadn’t happened before?

]]> By: Marjorie McKinnon http://www.thelamplighters.org/llblog01/abuse-victim-profile-2/comment-page-1/#comment-368 Marjorie McKinnon Mon, 24 May 2010 20:33:52 +0000 http://www.thelamplighters.org/llblog01/?page_id=1728#comment-368 Hi Karen, We don't have a Lamplighter chapter in your area but I would recommend getting the book REPAIR Your Life and begin working the program. Amazon.com has them for around $14 and you can see the 5 star reviews I have on their. Just type in amazon.com, then type in REPAIR Your Life and it will take you right to my site. Is there any chance you would be interested in starting a Lamplighter chapter in your area? It's so easy and I can email you the Lamplighter Facilitator Guide that explains how to start one. Take care and stay in touch. Margie Hi Karen,
We don’t have a Lamplighter chapter in your area but I would recommend getting the book REPAIR Your Life and begin working the program. Amazon.com has them for around $14 and you can see the 5 star reviews I have on their. Just type in amazon.com, then type in REPAIR Your Life and it will take you right to my site. Is there any chance you would be interested in starting a Lamplighter chapter in your area? It’s so easy and I can email you the Lamplighter Facilitator Guide that explains how to start one. Take care and stay in touch. Margie

]]> By: Marjorie McKinnon http://www.thelamplighters.org/llblog01/abuse-victim-profile-2/comment-page-1/#comment-340 Marjorie McKinnon Wed, 19 May 2010 21:06:43 +0000 http://www.thelamplighters.org/llblog01/?page_id=1728#comment-340 Karen, Thank you for your email. I'm afraid we have no Lamplighter chapters in New Jersey. I have some other suggestions for you. If you could get a copy of REPAIR Your Life: A Program for Recovery from Incest & Childhood Sexual Abuse (amazon.com has them for less than $14 and also has several 5 star reviews) and begin working the program it would help so much. That program (which I devised while I was going through recovery from incest myself) took me from being married to my 3rd abuser, suicidal, filled with despair and living part time in a women's shelter to being the happiest person I know. Is there any chance you could start a chapter yourself? It's so easy and I could email you a copy of the Lamplighter Facilitator Guide that explains how to start one. That would put you in touch with all of our other facilitators, most of whom are survivors themselves. Also, if you could find a CoDependents Anonymous chapter near you and start going to their meetings it would help a great deal. The operator should have a phone # of the local chapter. Please stay in touch and let me know how you are doing. It's a tough journey you are facing and I know how you are feeling. I've been there and know you can heal. Take care, Margie Karen,
Thank you for your email. I’m afraid we have no Lamplighter chapters in New Jersey. I have some other suggestions for you. If you could get a copy of REPAIR Your Life: A Program for Recovery from Incest & Childhood Sexual Abuse (amazon.com has them for less than $14 and also has several 5 star reviews) and begin working the program it would help so much. That program (which I devised while I was going through recovery from incest myself) took me from being married to my 3rd abuser, suicidal, filled with despair and living part time in a women’s shelter to being the happiest person I know. Is there any chance you could start a chapter yourself? It’s so easy and I could email you a copy of the Lamplighter Facilitator Guide that explains how to start one. That would put you in touch with all of our other facilitators, most of whom are survivors themselves. Also, if you could find a CoDependents Anonymous chapter near you and start going to their meetings it would help a great deal. The operator should have a phone # of the local chapter. Please stay in touch and let me know how you are doing. It’s a tough journey you are facing and I know how you are feeling. I’ve been there and know you can heal. Take care, Margie

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